If you look at coaching and leadership challenges, the things that get in the way of moving towards one’s goals, there is a recurrent theme – FEAR. It could be the fear of change, fear of making a mistake, fear of being vulnerable, fear of looking bad/good, fear of success and more.
The good news – coaching is perfectly suited for helping one move past the fear and towards the goal. Even when the goal changes. Our role as coaches and leaders is to support the individual in moving towards their goal farther, faster, easier, better and quicker than they would have without us. That is why organizations and individuals are embracing the use of coaching. Not only has coaching been proven to produce results, it is fully customizable and adaptable to fit each individual and every circumstance. Honestly, no other tool can make that claim!
Fear as a challenge is quite broad so to bring this into focus I’ve broken it down into the top five fear related coaching challenges we’ve seen and tips for navigating through them.
- Getting crystal clear as to what the focus and goal of the coaching is.You and your coachee need to be very clear about what the goal is and what success looks like. AND, very important, you need to check in to see if the goal has changed, as it often does. As a coachee begins the process of self-discovery it is not uncommon that their goal will shift. The adaptability of coaching is one of its strengths so don’t forget to check in often and modify the conversation as goals and objectives change. A good practice is to start the coaching conversation with a few questions about the goal and listening for clues that would indicate a goal shift. If you sense that there has been a change in the goal, pause, evaluate and make any necessary adjustments in the conversation. Don’t get caught up in pursuing a certain path when your coachee has moved to a different one. Use your questioning skills to always stay on top of where the coachee is. Remember that the coachee is in the lead and you, as their coach, must remain flexible and adaptable.
Resource: Check out our 365 Coaching Questions Booklet to find ideas on questions to ask to make sure you know where your coachee stands on their goals and objectives.
- Holding the coachee accountable. This one can be become unpleasant for some coaches, but it is absolutely critical. In fact, lack of accountability is often one of the biggest stumbling blocks for coachees. In many cases, the coachee already knows what they need to do to move forward but they just don’t take the actions. This is a BIG RED FLAG and it is imperative that you help the coachee uncover what is getting in the way. Sometimes just the mere fact that someone is holding them accountable is enough to move them forward. Often though fear is getting in the way. They know what needs to be done but they don’t take the steps because they fear something. They end up procrastinating, making excuses etc. You will need to help them navigate past the fear before the coachee can embrace accountability. Holding a coachee accountable is not just about setting actions and due dates. It is also about demonstrating that you believe in them and what they can do AND, if things are not moving forward, supporting them in finding out what is getting in the way. Unfortunately, the lack of accountability is all too common. Do not let this one slide!
Resource: For examples on holding the coachee accountable, check out our Webinar: Live Coaching Sessions. You will also find helpful tools to uncover what is keeping coachees from following through on commitments in our PGFC Assessment Tool.
- The Goal is TOO BIG/TOO SMALL. To have a productive and successful coaching relationship there must be a gap between where the coachee is and where they want to be. The gap is what will pull them forward. But not just any gap will do. Having the right size gap is important. If the gap is too big it can seem overwhelming and the coachee can become immobilized. If this is the case, break it down into smaller gaps that are more manageable and likely to produce quicker wins. If the gap is too small the coachee may lack motivation. In these cases, support your coachee in creating a goal that is big enough to mobilize and energize.
Resource: For help on setting goals with your coachee, check out our PGFC Assessment Workbook. The workbook is designed for coaches and their clients to work through co-actively.
- Energy draining vs Energizing. At the end of each coaching conversation you want your coachee to walk away energized and mobilized to move forward. If that is not happening, it is important to pause and evaluate why that is. Conversations that are more draining than energizing are often the result of the coachee and coach focusing too much on what is not working or did not work versus focusing on what did work and what will work going forward. In other words, focusing on the negative rather than the positive. Some coachees are extremely hard on themselves and will repeatedly shift the conversation to the negative. It is important that you, as the coach, do not go down that “failure” path with them. Instead, listen with empathy and acknowledge what they are saying. But then shift the conversation to the positive and support the coachee in staying there.
Resource: For an example of what an energized coaching conversation looks like, view our webinar: Live Coaching Sessions.
- Saying or making your coachee feel they are wrong! This one can be a little uncomfortable to mention but coaches, especially those who have or had the role of manager and consultant, can run up against this challenge. If you have been a manager or consultant you’ve played a very different role than that of a coach. Managers and consultants are paid to have the answers and tell their employees or clients what is best. Coaches, on the other hand, should never, ever say or make their coachee feel that they are wrong (even if you truly believe that they are). Doing so goes against the basic principle of coaching and will likely be detrimental to the relationship. Before you start the coaching conversation check to make sure you have removed your manager / consultant hat. Your role as a coach is to focus them forward on the positive; what now and what next can they do to make positive steps toward their goal.
Fear can creep in at many different points and take on many different shapes and forms. Even though people like to give a strong façade, underneath it all most coachees (and coaches too) FEAR something that is preventing them from moving forward. Yep, it is scary to take on a new project/goal/doing something they have ever done before etc. But this is our opportunity as coaches to utilize our unique skills to be there by our coachees side supporting, cajoling, challenging and encouraging to move them past the fear and towards the goal. We are all unique and sensitive human beings. Masterful coaches have the ability to develop strong empathy and compassion while still holding people accountable. Just imagine. What if EVERYONE had coaching skills?
We are here to support you when it comes to coaching challenges. We offer webinars, coaching guides and courses. View our resources and check out our calendar of events. If you have questions, connect with our Program Advisor who is ready to help.
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