43 PART FOUR - THE 5 CORE COACHING SKILLS broader into what they are expressing. It shows the coachee you are listening with the desire to understand and gives them the opportunity to correct you, the coach, or themselves once you’ve reflected back what they’ve said back to them. Coach Approach Example of Reflective Listening: MIRRORING Coachee: My work would be better if I had no interruptions. Coach: OK, I hear you. Your work would be better if you had no interruptions. Coachee correction: Well, maybe just less interruptions. I know it’s not possible to never have any interruptions. PARAPHRASING Coachee: My work would be better if I had no interruptions. Coach: So what you are saying is your work would improve if you could have time without being distracted? Coachee correction: Well, the only distractions that really interrupt me and affect the quality of my work are the ones that come on Tuesday when new shipments are coming in and there is no one out on the dock floor to direct the incoming product and everyone comes to me. FULL PRESENCE Remove distractions. Listening with full presence begins with removing distractions. Get up and close the door. Turn the phone ringer off. Resist the urge to doodle. Close the blinds if you’re prone to stare out the window! Prepare yourself to be fully engaged with your coachee without diversion. This also means not mentally wandering off into your own thoughts as someone is speaking. Make eye contact. When engaged, make eye contact. If you’re uncomfortable with that, work on it! It’s imperative you look someone in the eye in order to be fully present with them and what they are saying. Acknowledge you are hearing them. By nodding and by making audible gestures like “Uh-huh”, “Mmmmmm”, “Wow!”. Encourage them to continue on by saying things like, “Say more about that” or “Keep going” or “Tell me more”. SILENCE One of the most potent of all active listening skills is silence. When you allow silence, your coachee will fill the space due to their own discomfort. This usually leads to profound discoveries, as the coachee has to dig deeper into what they are saying and often go into areas they have never considered. Your Listening Improvement Plan Think about what is it like for you to be listened to and really heard by someone. Take a minute to list some of the things they do that lets you know you are fully heard. Of those things, mark the ones that you’d like to begin doing yourself or do more of than you are currently doing. How do you currently let people know you are listening to them? Are there any you’d like to improve and how will you do that? What are the top 3 things you will need to work on to become a better listener? Key Learning Points Listening is the foundational skill where coaching begins. There are different levels of listening. In coaching we use Level 3 listening. Listen with the intent to understand and learn. Active listening involves reflective listening, full presence and silence.
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