73 PART FIVE - THE 5 GUIDING PRINCIPLES The desire for acceptance is inherent in all of us. We are tribal creatures that wither in isolation. In our modern culture, many can feel isolated yet be amongst their “tribe” all day. Workplace environments can foster this feeling of isolation by discouraging bold expression and marginalizing those that express opinions outside the status quo. It is precisely the acceptance and encouragement of unique expression and perspectives that catalyzes innovation, creativity and thought leadership. The leader as coach will need to learn acceptance as ideas develop and thoughts emerge from others. It requires a suspended state of ‘not knowing’ and holding assumption at bay. Innovation and development is often a process versus an event, and the ability to receive and accept viewpoints, expressions, opinions and perspectives as they materialize and grow into innovative results or personal or professional development is vital. In coaching, acceptance is not to be confused with agreement. When taking a coach approach we are building a container of trust where the coachee can feel safe to express what they think and who they are without worry of being judged, corrected or having to defend themselves. The leader/coach may not necessarily agree with what is being said or expressed, instead they are allowing for the expression of it and encouraging that expression. With curiosity, the coach can then begin to explore WITH the coachee the validity and reality of what is being expressed to see if it is indeed truth, assumption or a misguided or misinformed belief or perspective without leading the coachee into that discovery. Instead, the coach provides an environment for the coachee to come into their own discovery by listening and asking evocative questions. By the coach accepting who they are and where they are, the coachee begins to find a greater sense of self-acceptance. Coachees are inclined to stretch themselves further, risk more and ask more of themselves with this greater sense of self-acceptance. Being Accepting Means: Being Open Minded An open mind allows for the possibility of new information, perspectives and facts to enter before conclusions are made. The metaphoric door is open and welcomes new information. Being Removed From Your Filters Many of us have a tendency to want to put things into neat, little boxes of understanding. We work quickly in our minds to herd all the information we are taking in into something we are familiar and comfortable with. We pass the information through our own frames of reference, or filters – defining things using our own experiences, feelings, beliefs and attitudes. Being removed from our filters means consciously choosing not to engage in that dynamic. It means allowing the discomfort of not knowing to settle in and remaining curious. Honoring and Encouraging Uniqueness We all have behaviours, idiosyncrasies, strengths and characteristics that are unique to us. These are the things that make us who were are and make us different from anyone else. We get messages all through life to be more like everyone else and to water down that which makes us unique. In coaching, we encourage that uniqueness and by encouraging it, show acceptance of it. Realizing Coachees are in a Process of Discovering When being coached, even if it’s only for a few minutes, coachees enter into a process of discovering new things about themselves, their situation and others. In this process there is sometimes uncertainly, self-doubt, confusion or resistance. A good coach accepts this and is patient while the coachee moves through this process.
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