69 TOOL #3: SAY NO! When we were two years old most of us had an amazing ability to say NO to just about everything. We said it loud, and we said it PROUD! We may have even said NO to the things we may have meant YES to but we were so enchanted with learning the power of this word and how good it felt coming out of our mouths, that we just kept saying it. Fast forward 20, 30, 40, or 50 years and you may find yourself doing just the opposite! You may find that you have lost the ability to say NO altogether! When was the last time someone asked something of you, and you wanted to say NO but instead said YES? Did you say YES because it was the “right” thing to do? Or did you say YES because you didn’t want to offend or upset the person asking and had to make excuses? Or perhaps you said YES because it wouldn’t be “that big of a deal” for you to do it. For whatever reason, that YES cost you dearly because: When you said YES you most likely said NO to something that is very important to you. Saying NO to others can be difficult sometimes. Especially because we often feel we have to “dexify” (DEfend, EXplain and justIFY) saying NO. It is a natural human condition that others will usually keep asking and taking until someone says NO. Having to come up with a plausible, justifiable story every time you want to say NO can be extremely tiring. If this is the case for you there are two things to remember: 1. NO can be a complete sentence. 2. If you choose to explain, LESS IS MORE! Saying NO to ourselves can be even harder. How often do you give in to things that you know will make things more complicated in the long run (overspending, overeating, overcommitting to name a few), but in the short run you just cave in and say “YES, what the heck!”? Saying NO to ourselves requires that we get very clear about what we are saying YES to when we are able to do it. These things will pull us out of immediate, short-term gratification and connect us with, and get us on track to what is most important to us.
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