PERSONAL GROUNDWORK FOR COACHING™
PERSONAL GROUNDWORK FOR COACHING
PERSONAL GROUNDWORK FOR COACHING® A Coaching Out of the Box® Publication authored by Master Certified Coach Amy Ruppert © Copyright 2006 All rights reserved. No part of this work covered by the copyrights hereon may be reproduced or transmitted or used in any form or by any means, electronic, graphic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or information storage and retrieval systems. www.CoachingOutoftheBox.com
CONTENTS Introduction 3 The Personal Groundwork for Coaching® Assessment 5 Step One: Assessing the Weight You Are Carrying 7 Step Two: Assessing the Loads 17 Step Three: Selecting Your Focus Areas 19 Step Four: Lightening or Eliminating the Load 21 Step Five: Keep On! Keep On! 31 Part One: Five Steps to Building Resiliency 34 Step One: Being Present 38 Common Conditions that cause us to Leave the Present Moment 41 The Wonders of White Space 44 Step Two: Adapting to Change 46 Step Three: Simplifying & Streamlining 59 Tool #1: Stop Putting Up With So Much 61 Tool #2: Under Promise and Over Deliver 67 Tool #3: Say NO! 69 Tool #4: Build reserves 7 1 Step Four: Energy Management 74 Step Five: Building A Strong Community 85 Part Two: Breaking Free 97 Breaking Free From Costly Energy Sources 100 Breaking Free From our Attachments 113 Part Three: Alignment with your Personal Integrity 123 Align with your Highest Potential 127 Align with What You Stand For 136 Align with your Core-Essential Values 146
3 INTRODUCTION Congratulations on taking the initiative to do this very important work! We call this work Personal Groundwork for Coaching® since it is the underpinnings for creating a solid platform in which to build upon. Most people who come to coaching are looking to attain specific goals. Usually, they are goals that result in building something. A business, a career path, better skills, a transitioning strategy, even a better life, to name a few. Without awareness and definition in some key areas attaining these goals can be difficult, even impossible. Coaching is a holistic process. This means the whole person is being coached, not just their goals or results. When coaching the whole person, the coach needs to be aware that while the person being coached may have engaged with them for goals they have in the workplace, their progress in creating solutions and taking action may be affected by what is happening in their personal life, and vice versa. Finding this out and getting to core components may be a lengthy process for both the coach and the person being coached. This work helps both the coach and the person being coached identify and strategize around these core components that most likely will affect the progress and efficacy of the coaching. It will also bring to light key areas that help the person being coached to think bigger and broader about what they want to attain. And finally, this program will help the coach and the person being coached to define clear decisionmaking filters to align with as they progress in their endeavors. This program is broken down into three core concepts with ten sub-concepts. The core concepts are: 1 Building Resiliency 2 Breaking Free 3 Aligning with your Personal Integrity
4 P E R S ON A L G R OU N DWO R K F O R C OAC H I N G Each core concept has sub-concepts beneath them as follows: 1 Building Resiliency 2 Breaking Free 3 Aligning with your Personal Integrity Much of the power of this work is in taking the time to define, articulate and discuss the concepts. So much of this plays in the background for us in tiny thoughts or inklings, but like a tree that gets no light, it bears no fruit. In order to create and manifest your intentions and fully attain your goals these things must go beyond thought into word. Once you find language for it you can then create action around it. We create all things from thought to word to action. We suggest that you begin by doing the Personal Groundwork for Coaching® Assessment. This will pinpoint areas that are weighing on you the most. At the end of the assessment there are some worksheets to fill out. We suggest you fill those out once you’ve gone through all the core concepts and their respective sub-concepts. It’s important to understand them while doing the worksheets. We hope you will find this program useful and valuable for many years to come. There is no finish line with this work. It’s an ongoing, organic process where the concepts go deeper and broader as you evolve. Enjoy the journey! Being Present Adapting to Change Streamlining & Simplifying Energy Management Building a Strong Community Freedom from Costly Energy Sources Freedom from Your Attachments Align with your Highest Potential Align with What You Stand For Align with your CoreEssential Values
5 THE PERSONAL GROUNDWORK FOR COACHING® ASSESSMENT
7 STEP ONE: ASSESSING THE WEIGHT YOU ARE CARRYING Each statement in this assessment is representative of a potential weight you may be carrying if it is not 100% true. Ask yourself if each statement is TRUE. If it is 100% TRUE then circle the “0”. If it is not 100% TRUE then use the scoring system below: Doesn’t weigh on my mind at all. Never give it a second thought. Is 100% true. Think of it very rarely. Think of it as a small challenge but something I could get a grip on or acquire easily if I put my mind to it. Causes a lot of those small annoyances frequently. It weighs on me when it is happening but is out of mind when there is no problem with it. Happens on a regular basis, causes frequent problems and is on my mind regularly. Is a problematic part of my daily life and the associated problems weigh heavily on my mind. Note: Some of the statements in the assessment may not apply to you and never will. You can skip over them if you like but we recommend that you use the blank spaces at the end of each category to write in something that does apply to you and does weigh on you within this category. You can also use the blank spaces to write in something we have overlooked and have not included in the assessment that is relative for you in addition to what is already there. 0 1 2 3 4 5
8 P E R S ON A L G R OU N DWO R K F O R C OAC H I N G Your Physical Environments HOME WEIGHT: Low 0 to High 5 0 1 2 3 4 5 My home is clean, orderly, and tidy (95%+ of the time) 0 1 2 3 4 5 All my furniture and appliances are in good condition and do not require repairs. 0 1 2 3 4 5 All of the storage areas of my home are well organized. 0 1 2 3 4 5 My bed is comfortable and allows me to sleep well. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I don’t have anything in my home that I don’t or won’t use (no clutter) 0 1 2 3 4 5 My home and yard are in good condition and do not require repairs. 0 1 2 3 4 5 The décor of my home is just as I want it. 0 1 2 3 4 5 There is ample storage in my home. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am living in the geographic area of my choice. 0 1 2 3 4 5 The lighting in my home is ample and well placed. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have systems in place to keep from building clutter and piles. 0 1 2 3 4 5 Caring for my plants and animals is easy. 0 1 2 3 4 5 My home allows me to be surrounded by the things I love and/or are important to me. 0 1 2 3 4 5 My car(s) are in good, safe condition, and excellent repair. 0 1 2 3 4 5 0 1 2 3 4 5 0 1 2 3 4 5
9 A S S E S S I N G T H E WE I G H T Y OU A R E C A R R Y I N G WORK WEIGHT: Low 0 to High 5 OTHER WEIGHT: Low 0 to High 5 TOTAL LOAD 0 1 2 3 4 5 My workspace is clean, orderly, and tidy (95%+ of the time). 0 1 2 3 4 5 My work area does not cause strain to my body or physical wellness. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have the proper equipment and machines needed to do my job well. 0 1 2 3 4 5 My workspace is well organized. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I don’t have anything in my workspace that I don’t or won’t use (no junk) 0 1 2 3 4 5 The building I work in is in good condition. 0 1 2 3 4 5 The décor and layout of my workspace is conducive to me doing my best possible work. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am working in the geographic area of my choice. 0 1 2 3 4 5 The lighting in my workspace is ample and well placed. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have systems in place to keep from building clutter and piles. 0 1 2 3 4 5 The noise level and music are conducive to me doing my best work. 0 1 2 3 4 5 0 1 2 3 4 5 0 1 2 3 4 5
10 P E R S ON A L G R OU N DWO R K F O R C OAC H I N G HEALTH & WELLNESS WEIGHT: Low (0) to High (5) 0 1 2 3 4 5 I only eat things I feel are healthy and good for me (95%+ of the time). 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am well informed about nutrition and proper supplements. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am up to date on all my preventative care (mammogram, prostate, dental, pap-test, cholesterol, hearing, stress test, etc.) 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have a healthy body image 0 1 2 3 4 5 I get the proper amount of physical exercise. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I do not have an excessive amount of stress. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I get enough quality sleep time. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I take enough time off work to feel rested and revitalized. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am rarely tired. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I do not use any substances in such a way that they are harmful to me (smoking, drugs, alcohol, caffeine, sugar, etc.) 0 1 2 3 4 5 I do not work excessive hours each week. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I laugh every day (not a chuckle or a guffaw – a REAL laugh!) 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am not harboring any physical conditions that I feel are abnormal that have not been fully checked out by a proper medical specialist. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I do not have chronic pain or any chronic condition which is not being treated in the best possible way. 0 1 2 3 4 5 The time I take off from work is spent in ways that nourish and re-energize me. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am usually optimistic and in a good mood (95%+ of the time). 0 1 2 3 4 5 I take extremely good care of myself with the extras (massages, bubble baths, pedicures, facials, meditation, fresh air, sunshine, etc.) 0 1 2 3 4 5 I rarely get sick. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I dress comfortably each day. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I smile a lot. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I always have something to look forward to. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have plenty of interests outside of my work. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I don’t wait to the last minute or let things build to a pressure point before I take care of them. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I don’t have any habits that interfere with my wellbeing. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have received adequate psychological counseling in the area(s) I have needed it. 0 1 2 3 4 5 0 1 2 3 4 5 0 1 2 3 4 5 0 1 2 3 4 5 TOTAL LOAD
11 A S S E S S I N G T H E WE I G H T Y OU A R E C A R R Y I N G MONEY & FINANCES WEIGHT: Low 0 to High 5 0 1 2 3 4 5 I do not worry about money. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I use credit cards wisely. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I know what I owe (outstanding bills, mortgage, car loan, student loans, etc.) 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have an adequate financial reserve. 0 1 2 3 4 5 Money does not control me. 0 1 2 3 4 5 Money is usually only one of the factors I consider when making a decision versus being the only factor. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have no money skeletons in the closet. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I make good buying decisions and don’t buy things impulsively. 0 1 2 3 4 5 My beliefs and attitudes about money are my own and not someone else’s (parents or other early role models or influences). 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have a good savings plan in place and stick to it no matter what. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have a good retirement plan in place and know how much I need to be saving now to have the lifestyle and safety I want when I retire. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I pay my bills on time. 0 1 2 3 4 5 My taxes are all paid and up to date and I have good tax records. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have access to and am using the proper financial advisors. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I don’t feel embarrassed or shameful about money. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I live well within my means. 0 1 2 3 4 5 All my legal money matters are in place and up to date (wills, pending legal issues, child support, etc.) 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am on a career track that will bring me the financial life I want without compromising what is most important to me (i.e. family, friends etc.). 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have the proper training, certifications, degrees, etc. to keep me in the highest earning caliber of my career choice. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I do not obsess or worry about my investments. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am well protected (insured) in all areas of my life (medical, dental, home, car, business). 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am aware of what is coming in and what is going out in my personal finances (and business if applicable ). 0 1 2 3 4 5 0 1 2 3 4 5 0 1 2 3 4 5 TOTAL LOAD
12 P E R S ON A L G R OU N DWO R K F O R C OAC H I N G RELATIONSHIPS AND COMMUNICATION WEIGHT: Low 0 to High 5 0 1 2 3 4 5 The people I choose to have in my life are genuinely supportive. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have found a non-stressful way of dealing with challenging people that are in my life by circumstance (versus choice). The people in my life who are challenging and are in my life by circumstance (Versus choice) I have found a non-stressful way of dealing with them when I have to. 0 1 2 3 4 5 Most of the company I am in is positive and upbeat (95% + of the time). 0 1 2 3 4 5 I don’t “need” other people to make me feel happy or fulfilled. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have released relationships that are no longer working for me. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have no one in my life that I have unfinished business with. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have told all the people I love that I love them and how much they mean to me. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I only practice good gossip (versus damaging, bad, or potentially harmful gossip). 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am caught up in corresponding with others (letters, phone calls, emails). 0 1 2 3 4 5 I feel as if I am part of a team at my workplace. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am teaching others the correct way to treat me and am comfortable in the ways I educate them. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am not judgmental or critical. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am a change agent, not a complainer. 0 1 2 3 4 5 The people in my life love, admire, and respect me for who I am not just what I do or can do for them. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am a person of my word. I do what I say I am going to do. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I do not let others control what I think, do, and say. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am an effective, open communicator. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have honest critics and confidants in my personal and work life. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I take responsibility for what I say to others and how they may hear it. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have at least one person that I love and loves me above all else. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I don’t allow others to make me feel inadequate, less than, or non-deserving. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have a community that is broad enough and varied enough. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I feel comfortable saying “no” to others. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I make good boundaries with others and feel comfortable making them. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I say the truth – no matter what. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I do not try to control what others think, do, or say. 0 1 2 3 4 5 People come first – before results. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I feel good about the amount of quality time I spend with the people that are important to me. 0 1 2 3 4 5 0 1 2 3 4 5 TOTAL LOAD
14 P E R S ON A L G R OU N DWO R K F O R C OAC H I N G TIME AND SPACE When we refer to space, we mean bandwidth or your capacity to download and process what is coming at you in the moment. WEIGHT: Low 0 to High 5 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have plenty of time to get things done. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I rarely feel rushed or feel like I am cramming. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have plenty of time to do the things that nourish and replenish me. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I use my time well. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I do not spend an excessive amount of time organizing and preparing. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have a good idea of how and where I spend my time. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have a good method for keeping appointments and organizing my schedule. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am a good delegator. 0 1 2 3 4 5 At least 90% of my time is spent doing things that are easy, engaging and that I look forward to, fulfilling, rewarding, creative, positive, aligned with something that is important to me, et cetera. 0 1 2 3 4 5 The day seems to go by quickly each day. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I feel that my time is truly mine. 0 1 2 3 4 5 My beliefs about time serve me well. (i.e., There is always enough time to do the things that I need to do. Time is my friend. I use my time wisely. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have enough “white space”. (White spaces are blocks of time that can be used as you wish for whatever you feel like in the moment.) 0 1 2 3 4 5 I give myself ample time to complete things and routinely under-promise and over-deliver. 0 1 2 3 4 5 0 1 2 3 4 5 TOTAL LOAD
15 A S S E S S I N G T H E WE I G H T Y OU A R E C A R R Y I N G SPACE WEIGHT: Low 0 to High 5 0 1 2 3 4 5 I feel that I respond to situations versus react to them. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am aware of what and how I feel about things. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I think about what is possible and ahead for me in a way that is pleasant, positive, and hopeful. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am spiritually connected. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I can hear and often listen to my gut instincts. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I notice things of beauty around me several times a day. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am often touched by things I see and hear. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am inspired into action frequently. 0 1 2 3 4 5 0 1 2 3 4 5 TOTAL LOAD
16 P E R S ON A L G R OU N DWO R K F O R C OAC H I N G CAREER & BUSINESS WEIGHT: Low 0 to High 5 0 1 2 3 4 5 I get a sense of fulfillment from the work I do. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am challenged by the work I do. 0 1 2 3 4 5 The work I do is in alignment with the skills / talents that I have. 0 1 2 3 4 5 My work inspires me to want to grow professionally and personally. 0 1 2 3 4 5 My workday goes by quickly. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I look forward to going to work. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I have the adequate skills and training to get me where I want to go within my career / professional path. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I get an adequate feeling of contribution in the work I do and the environment I work in. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I feel like my opinion counts. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I feel like I have freedom and choice about how I perform my responsibilities. 0 1 2 3 4 5 My work environment is supportive of me. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I work only the hours I want to work. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I leave my work at the office when I walk out the door. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I feel competent and confident in the work I do. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I surround myself with a support staff / work peers / management team that are talented, dependable, and reliable. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I don’t let workplace politics get in the way, upset me, or take me off course. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I feel like the work I do and the things I contribute are valued and appreciated. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I only work with clients / customers / patients that I truly enjoy and like. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am clear about my professional / career path. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I am well suited for the work I do. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I feel okay about taking time off and not working sometimes. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I believe in and am passionate about the work I do. 0 1 2 3 4 5 I enjoy the travel involved in my work (to and from work, or for work). 0 1 2 3 4 5 I feel safe and confident about expressing what is on my mind or what I am feeling with regards to work matters to co-workers, employees, bosses, etc. 0 1 2 3 4 5 0 1 2 3 4 5 0 1 2 3 4 5 TOTAL LOAD
17 A S S E S S I N G T H E L OA D S STEP TWO: ASSESSING THE LOADS Record your Total Load scores for each category in the middle column of the chart below. The highest score is your Heaviest Load and is most likely the area you are losing the most energy and vitality. Only you can be the judge of that though. The scores are just a guideline. Take a minute to assess your loads, ranking them numerically from #1 (the heaviest) to #6 (the lightest). CATEGORY TOTAL LOAD HEAVIEST TO LIGHTEST My Physical Environments Health & Wellness Money & Finances Relationships & Communication Time & Space Career & Business
19 S E L E C T I N G Y OU R F O C U S A R E A S STEP THREE: SELECTING YOUR FOCUS AREAS It is important to eliminate or reduce the small things in addition to the large things so that you feel a sense of progress and accomplishment. A sense of progress can help restore a tremendous amount of vitality to you rather quickly. In order to get a nice flow going and a sense of progress and accomplishment, we recommend that you use the following formula to begin choosing the things you would like to get started with, but it is entirely up to you. Some people are motivated by a big challenge, some like to start out slowly and some like to be somewhere in the middle. Use the following formula as a guideline. Decide for yourself how you want to set it up. So for example if you selected Career and Business as your #6 Load (the lightest load from all the categories) and after looking at all the 5’s in that category you identified “I work only the hours I want to work” as being the statement you would like to focus on above all the other 5’s (in other words, the most compelling statement), then this is where you start to focus for the first month. Let us just say a word about what may be most compelling to you. This is different for everyone and is completely subjective. Just be certain it is what is most compelling to YOU and not someone else. In addition, instead of it being something you should do, let it be something that when you think about it being 100% true for you, you can feel the energy come into your body. Use your imagination and think of what would open up for you if it were to be completely true. Select most compelling statement you circled as from the category you rated as: 5 6 4 5 3 4 2 3 1 2 Your Choice 1
20 P E R S ON A L G R OU N DWO R K F O R C OAC H I N G YOUR CHOICES: From LOAD #6 (Lightest Load), record category title (e.g., Career & Business, or Time & Space, or ...): I choose the following statement as my area to focus on for of : From LOAD #5, record category title (e.g., Career & Business, or Time & Space, or ...): I choose the following statement as my area to focus on for of : From LOAD #4, record category title (e.g., Career & Business, or Time & Space, or ...): I choose the following statement as my area to focus on for of : From LOAD #3, record category title (e.g., Career & Business, or Time & Space, or ...): I choose the following statement as my area to focus on for of : From LOAD #2, record category title (e.g., Career & Business, or Time & Space, or ...): I choose the following statement as my area to focus on for of : From LOAD #1 (Heaviest Load), record category title (e.g., Career & Business, or Time & Space, or ...): I choose the following statement as my area to focus on for of : MONTH YEAR
21 L I G H T E N I N G O R E L I M I N AT I N G T H E L OA D STEP FOUR: LIGHTENING OR ELIMINATING THE LOAD It is recommended that you complete this exercise after or while you do the program. For each statement you selected, use the following worksheet to get a better understanding of the situation and to lay out a thumbnail strategy around lightening the load. Not every part of the worksheet is going to be relevant for each statement. Remember, less is more! Example: STATEMENT 1: I DON’T LET WORKPLACE POLITICS GET IN THE WAY, UPSET ME, OR TAKE ME OFF COURSE. What are the facts? I get involved in office politics quite often. I seem to be in the line of fire a lot and when this happens it interferes with everything! My goals, initiatives, my relationships - even my personal life! This is where you will state the truth of the situation. You have looked at the possibility of where you may be kidding yourself and are able to state the full truth here. What has kept me from improving this so far? I get caught up in the negative rhetoric I hear especially when I am stressed out, aggravated, or come under fire. Identify all the obstacles that get in your way – available resources, lack of information, possible conflicts, competing priorities, etc. Look at how you think and feel about this. These are considered obstacles too. Also look at where you feel others may be keeping you from improving this situation or are perpetuating or fueling the situation. Why is this important to ME? It causes me quite a bit of stress which is not good for my health and distracts me from the things that can make me feel good about my work and my accomplishments. It also robs me of my creativity and makes me hold back my ideas for fear of being caught in a political trap. Why have you chosen this to focus on? What is it getting in the way of or keeping you from what is important to you? What would it mean to you if the statement was 100% true?
23 L I G H T E N I N G O R E L I M I N AT I N G T H E L OA D What has my belief been about this? Workplace politics are just part of being in the workplace and there is really no way to escape them. What do you tell yourself in your head when you think of this challenge? Are there any self defeating statements that come to mind? Look deeply at what you truly believe to be true about this so far. What new belief would serve me better? Workplace politics are always going to be part of the workplace, but I have a choice whether to participate or not. Come up with something that inspires you and makes this feel “doable”. Something that says, “this will happen!”. Are there any boundaries that need to be put into place? I need to put a boundary in place with Linda and Ken about sharing negative rhetoric with me about the marketing department. Boundaries are the behaviors we hold others to. They need to be extended far enough or made big enough to protect you completely from compromising your mission. What standard(s) do I want to raise/lower/modify/create to keep me on track? I am a person who is concerned only with my own, personal best who continues striving to outperform my past performances. Standards are the behaviors or the code of behavior we hold ourselves to in any given situation. They are a positive declaration of the person you choose to be within the situation you are creating a standard for. Which of my core-essential values does this keep me from and how? Connection: I often do not connect with others I work with on a genuine level for fear that I will eventually be part of some sort of office politics drama. Core-essential values are the things that put you at your very best self. The things that pull you forward, inspire, and fulfill you completely. They are the things that allow you to be your most authentic and best self. Thumbnail Strategy 1. Turn up my receptors to gain more awareness of when others are coming at me with negative rhetoric. 2. Find comfortable language that I will need to stop people or redirect them when they are pulling me into workplace politics. Ask Jim to help me with this. 3. Make a boundary with Linda and Ken regarding badmouthing people in the marketing department. Remember to keep this as simple as possible. Less is more! You can do a more detailed strategy for each part of your thumbnail strategy, but this is the place where you get the big overview of how you intend to move through this.
24 P E R S ON A L G R OU N DWO R K F O R C OAC H I N G STATEMENT FROM LOAD #6 (LIGHTEST): What are the facts? What has kept me from improving this so far? Why is this important to ME? What has my belief been about this? What new belief would serve me better? Are there any boundaries that need to be put in place? What standard(s) do I want to raise/lower/modify/create to keep me on track? Which of my core-essential values does this keep me from and how? Thumbnail Strategy:
25 L I G H T E N I N G O R E L I M I N AT I N G T H E L OA D STATEMENT FROM LOAD #5: What are the facts? What has kept me from improving this so far? Why is this important to ME? What has my belief been about this? What new belief would serve me better? Are there any boundaries that need to be put in place? What standard(s) do I want to raise/lower/modify/create to keep me on track? Which of my core-essential values does this keep me from and how? Thumbnail Strategy:
26 P E R S ON A L G R OU N DWO R K F O R C OAC H I N G STATEMENT FROM LOAD #4: What are the facts? What has kept me from improving this so far? Why is this important to ME? What has my belief been about this? What new belief would serve me better? Are there any boundaries that need to be put in place? What standard(s) do I want to raise/lower/modify/create to keep me on track? Which of my core-essential values does this keep me from and how? Thumbnail Strategy:
27 L I G H T E N I N G O R E L I M I N AT I N G T H E L OA D STATEMENT FROM LOAD #3: What are the facts? What has kept me from improving this so far? Why is this important to ME? What has my belief been about this? What new belief would serve me better? Are there any boundaries that need to be put in place? What standard(s) do I want to raise/lower/modify/create to keep me on track? Which of my core-essential values does this keep me from and how? Thumbnail Strategy:
28 P E R S ON A L G R OU N DWO R K F O R C OAC H I N G STATEMENT FROM LOAD #2: What are the facts? What has kept me from improving this so far? Why is this important to ME? What has my belief been about this? What new belief would serve me better? Are there any boundaries that need to be put in place? What standard(s) do I want to raise/lower/modify/create to keep me on track? Which of my core-essential values does this keep me from and how? Thumbnail Strategy:
29 L I G H T E N I N G O R E L I M I N AT I N G T H E L OA D STATEMENT FROM LOAD #1 (HEAVIEST): What are the facts? What has kept me from improving this so far? Why is this important to ME? What has my belief been about this? What new belief would serve me better? Are there any boundaries that need to be put in place? What standard(s) do I want to raise/lower/modify/create to keep me on track? Which of my core-essential values does this keep me from and how? Thumbnail Strategy:
31 K E E P ON ! STEP FIVE: KEEP ON! KEEP ON! The Personal Groundwork for Coaching Program® is designed to be a continuing, personal, organic body of work. Its most powerful aspects are: • Bringing awareness and attention to the areas that are taking your vital energy from you • Seeing the underbelly, or the source of the situation • Creating intentions based on your ideal vision To do this most effectively you need to keep the three aspects we mentioned above in your awareness. This requires that you give this program daily, monthly, and biannual attention. DAILY At the beginning (preferably) of each day read over what you have written for each statement on the worksheets. That’s it! DAILY / OPTIONAL If you feel more ambitious you can begin journaling every day on what has occurred for you that day around each statement or add it to the daily journaling you may already do. Other things we suggest to help this along on a daily basis is to create an affirmation or a theme associated with each statement. For example, if you chose the statement “I am a good delegator” from the Time and Space category your affirmation could be “Delegation is the road to elation”. Or your theme could be “Do it, delegate it, or dump it!”. Affirmations hold part of the ideal vision in them and pull you forward. Themes call you to action. These affirmations and themes should be hung up or posted where you will see them frequently throughout the day. We may also suggest sharing what you are focusing on with someone who you feel to be supportive, trustworthy, and an honest critic. A small daily dialog with them or even a quick email on your progress each day can make quite a difference.
32 P E R S ON A L G R OU N DWO R K F O R C OAC H I N G Partnering with someone else who is participating in The Personal Groundwork for Coaching Program® and checking in with one another each day or every other day is another great way to stay with this program. MONTHLY Repeat Steps Three and Four each month. By continuing to choose new areas of focus each month you continue to recoup more and more energy. It is not necessary to have each statement 100% true from the previous month before you can begin focusing on more areas. They will be “a work in progress”. Any time, you feel like you have too much “work in progress” or are feeling overwhelmed, take a break. Take a month off from selecting new things to focus on and stay focused on what you already have. Remember, there is no finish line. This is an organic process that will take on a life of its own if you keep it in your awareness each day and each month. To greatly enhance this work and work at a much faster pace you may want to consider hiring a personal coach. Coaches are specifically trained to assist you in just this sort of work. Most coaches work by telephone and hold weekly meetings with their clients on the phone. BIANNUALLY We highly suggest you redo The Personal Groundwork for Coaching Program Assessment every six months without comparing the weights and loads from your previous assessment until after you have re-done the assessment. What weighs on us shifts and changes, and this is especially true when we are in the process of reclaiming our vitality and changing the filters through which we see life.
33 K E E P ON ! N O T E S
34 PART ONE FIVE STEPS TO BUILDING RESILIENCY
35 K E E P ON ! We hear much about balance these days. It seems to be referenced somewhere on every magazine cover, business journal and self-help book, yet despite all the information available to us about balance, why do so many of us feel we’re on an endless and futile quest for balance all the time? Daily, we are faced with an onslaught of competing priorities between our work lives and our personal lives. In addition, our attention, focus, and energy need to be spread in many places at any given time. Let’s face it, life happens, and change is constant. How realistic is it to assume we can maintain balance? If balance means an equalization or a symmetry of parts, how often do you feel like there is even a remote possibility for equalization or symmetry of all the different things you do, people you know, and demands competing for your time and attention? Some may interpret balance to mean harmony within their personal and business lives. Harmony, simply put, is an agreeable combination of component parts. How often are all the parts agreeable? This leads to a possible theory on why balance seems so elusive and unobtainable…. Perhaps balance doesn’t exist! If balance doesn’t exist, then what? The point here is that we are much like a sailboat crossing an ocean. Like the ocean, each day brings us a change in conditions that affect how we move through the waters. On sunny days with light breezes, the boat is upright and cutting through the water at a steady and comfortable pace. On other days there is no wind, and the boat is stagnant and bobbing around aimlessly on the water. And yet, some days the wind is howling, and the boat is heeling over so far to one side or another that it feels as if it is going to eventually capsize. But sailboats almost never capsize, and even if they do, they always come back upright. Why? Sailboats have a very heavy, solid fin protruding from the bottom of the boat that is called a keel. The weight of the keel offsets the top heaviness of the boat and its sails. When wind fills the sails and blow the boat to one side or the other, the keel ensures that the boat will remain upright and buoyant. The interesting thing to note about a boat’s keel is that it is not separate from the boat but is integrated into the frame of the boat. It is as much a part of the structure of the boat as the parts you see above
37 K E E P ON ! the water. This makes the sailboat a very resilient vessel in all kinds of weather. Using the metaphor of the sailboat and its keel, there are specific things we can do to have a strong keel that keeps us upright and resilient. In this chapter we’ll be looking at some key areas where you can build your resiliency: • Learning to be present • Adapting to change easily • Streamlining and simplifying • Managing your energy • Having a supportive and strong community Do you know? If your keel is strong enough and heavy enough it will always right you and keep you buoyant and moving in all conditions. What have you integrated into the frame and structure of yourself to keep you afloat in all conditions? In the Five Steps to Building Resiliency we will look at what you can integrate into your personal frame and structure to create a strong and heavy-duty keel that will keep you moving through even the roughest of waters and allow you to open your sails to their fullest capacity.
38 STEP ONE: BEING PRESENT The ability to focus on and fully explore what is in you and around you at the very moment it is happening without being distracted by the past or the future. Have you ever been in a meeting while someone is talking, and you are looking right at them as they talk but have not heard a word they have said? Where were you as the person was talking in the meeting? Most likely your mind began to wander into another time or place and that little mind trip you took distracted you so much it pushed what you were experiencing in the present moment completely out of your mind. Our ability to remain present to what we are doing and what we are experiencing depends largely on our commitment to staying present. Our present moment is much like a two year old child. It likes to wander off and explore things. And like a small child we have to call our mind back and ask it to stay in a designated area, often over and over again. What’s the advantage to staying present? You may like to take a break every now and then. Just to clarify, we are not talking about mental breaks. We are talking about cheating yourself out of fully experiencing what is around you and getting full value from it. Even those experiences that may not be physically or emotionally comfortable. When we are not fully present, not only do we miss out of not fully experiencing what is around us or in us, we often miss out on important clues or messages that come our way that tell us there are some storms blowing into our path. It becomes easy to overlook small occurrences that are really the rumblings of the coming volcano. The following model illustrates how this happens when we are not present.
39 B E I N G P R E S E N T MESSAGES MODEL James was a top performing sales representative with EPM International. He had held the company sales records for the past three years. James’ schedule was busy. His days were hectic due to his efforts towards maintaining his existing client base and he felt this workload kept him from developing new business. He was determined to break his own sales records in the upcoming year. To concentrate on new business development James turned the maintenance of his existing accounts over to his assistant Simon. He checked in occasionally with Simon to make sure things were running smoothly but the majority of his attention and focus went into developing new accounts. James felt Simon was more than capable of handling the maintenance. For three weeks Simon had been trying to get a meeting with James to sit down and talk about the requested new pricing structure for his second largest account, TRR Worldwide. James had a very busy travel schedule and wanted to do this review in person with Simon in their office. After the third week Simon told James the purchasing agent at TRR was beginning to get irritated because he couldn’t get her an answer. In another conversation after that she had made a comment about how she had not heard from James in months and was thinking that maybe TRR’s business wasn’t that important to him. James told Simon not to worry. He went on to say this account often made everything urgent when it really wasn’t, and the purchasing agent liked to grumble. He assured Simon this was a pattern and not to worry. They would meet the following week and sort it out. A few days later Simon received a call from the purchasing agent telling him not to bother with the new pricing structure because she had signed an Not Present Small Lesson Problem Crisis Negative or Disruptive Occurrence Inbound Message Being Present Message Received
40 P E R S ON A L G R OU N DWO R K F O R C OAC H I N G agreement with EPM International’s largest competitor for the upcoming year. When Simon told James, he was shocked. He said he never saw this coming and ranted at Simon for not letting him know how urgent this was. This story is a perfect illustration of how someone can have all or most of their focus on the future and when messages began to come in, they relied upon the past (this account often made everything urgent when it really wasn’t and the purchasing agent liked to grumble) to determine the present. Had James taken the time to address what was in the present time, beckoning his attention, the account may have been saved. If we take a look at the Messages Model again we will see how it works using this story: NOT PRESENT: Ignore client. Keep focusing on future business. SMALL LESSON: Irritation of purchasing agent. PROBLEM: Purchasing agent’s comment about not feeling like their business is important. CRISIS Loss of account. Simon calling for a meeting The client needed attention Set up new pricing structure Client needs to be given attention and have their needs met Negative or Disruptive Occurrence Inbound Message Being Present Message Received
41 COMMON CONDITIONS THAT CAUSE US TO LEAVE THE PRESENT MOMENT Staying in the present moment can have many positive impacts for us. When we are present, we are allowing ourselves the fullest experience of any given situation. Even things that may not be physically or emotionally comfortable for us can sometimes be turned around or experienced in a different way if we remain present to what is happening. When we are present, we are able to see so much more and have a broader perspective on just about anything. But there are many things that keep us from focusing on what is in front of us, often trying to get our attention. RESISTANCE Resistance of what is happening can cause us to leave the present moment. When we try to push away, deny, or abruptly get out of an uncomfortable situation we spring our minds to the future and the past. Thereby denying ourselves the lessons or messages that are right there, in that moment and in that situation, for us to learn. When we spring our minds to the future, we are thinking about what we could do to make this stop or end what is happening. We steer our minds to possibilities and away from the reality. We may also spring our minds to past situations that were similar and try to recall a past action or series of actions to work our way out of the present situation. If you were to stand in the discomfort of the present situation and ask yourself: • What is this situation here to teach me? • What is the message I am not getting or hearing? • Is this a pattern? And if so, what is this pattern telling me? You may find some revealing answers that change the course of the entire situation and of similar situations in the future.
42 P E R S ON A L G R OU N DWO R K F O R C OAC H I N G It may seem like a strange notion but many of the things that happen to us that range from uncomfortable to distressing or even catastrophic, become life altering and for many, a gift of awareness. Think back to a time where something occurred for you that seemed distressing or perhaps unbearable. Where did it lead you? What did it teach you? Do you consider it a gift of awareness after time has passed? BUSYNESS Does your mind chatter from the moment you wake up until you go to bed at night (and sometimes even when you sleep) reciting over and over again all the things you have to do? Are you constantly running lists in your head of all the things you and others have to do, even as you or they are doing them? On top of this, as you are doing all of those things on your list, you run from here to there, struggling from competing priorities, stretching days way past the energy you have available. Your plate is completely full. You are too busy too even notice what is in front of you. You can barely carry the load. Busyness is at epidemic levels in our world. And busyness can be a subtle addiction too. We get into the habit of overloading our schedules and over promising what we are actually capable of. Busyness is a thief that steals away the true appreciation or experience of anything that is happening in our present moment. In this day and age, there are very few people who can avoid busyness, but every one of us can avoid the insidious and subtle addiction that busyness can become. We will talk more about this in a later chapter.
43 C OMMON C ON D I T I ON S T H AT C AU S E U S T O L E AV E T H E P R E S E N T MOM E N T WORRY Do you often find yourself worrying about things you can’t do much about, and most certainly, nothing in that very moment? Going repeatedly over the possible scenarios of what can go wrong, what has gone wrong before and creating vivid images of what will be if things go the way you think they might? We often are taught to expect the worst. We will talk more about what we can do about worrying in another chapter. BOREDOM Nothing seems to keep your attention. Your mind wanders to far off places where excitement and adventure abound. Or perhaps to something nice and dramatic like the juicy gossip you heard last week. You feel what you are doing is a waste of time. Simply put, you’re leaving the present moment because you are bored. Finding new ways to challenge yourself and stretch the limits of your abilities and possibilities will keep you present, even in the most mundane of moments. When we are not stimulated enough in any areas of our personal or business lives we begin to get bored with everything. Keeping new and challenging experiences in our worlds will keep us feeling more alive, stimulated and ultimately present to everything. MISALIGNMENT WITH WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO US If we can’t see how a situation aligns with what is important to us, we tend to not be present to it. Our attention begins to wander towards things that are in our scope of interest. It is important to seek out situations and experiences that are somehow, in the small or big picture, aligned with what is important to us. It is very difficult to be or remain present to people, situations, or things we cannot see the point in or identify with in some way. We will talk more about aligning with the things that are important in a later chapter.
44 THE WONDERS OF WHITE SPACE White space is a phrase we use to describe a designated time that would show up on your calendar as “white space” with nothing scheduled in it. That time would not be pre-planned in any way as to how you are going to use it. White space is a wonderful way to relearn spontaneity and restore a feeling of control over your time in that it: • Allows you to freely choose how you want to use the time right in that moment. • Gives you space to ground yourself and respond to what you want and need in the present moment. • Is guilt free “YOU” time. HOW MUCH TIME? Ideally, white space would be more than two hours. Preferably a half day or more, and scheduled regularly (daily, weekly and/or monthly). It is a good idea to have some white space weekly or optimally, daily. Perhaps it can only be an hour or two at first, but eventually it can be built up to be more. HOW TO USE YOUR WHITE SPACE In your white space you would do only what you want to do and refrain from what you feel you should do. There should be nothing preplanned to fill this space and the decision on how to use it should come in the first moment you are in it. If you are unsure, just sit and be present and listen to what comes up. It may take a few attempts to learn how to listen in the moment to what you truly want without giving in to your shoulds. The idea is that you will learn to be more spontaneous (remember spontaneity?) and responsive to what you hear inside. PROTECTING YOUR WHITE SPACE Having and keeping white space is not easy, especially when you have a busy, demanding schedule. It takes a commitment to it, but more importantly it takes a shift in perception. Most people think of white space as a self-indulgent dream, but until you begin looking at it as much as a responsibility as going to work or getting the children off to school, it will be very difficult to keep and protect this space.
45 T H E WON D E R S O F WH I T E S PAC E Given a chance to work, white space brings much more to us than it takes. • It allows us to be more productive in all areas because we have had a break. • It is a catalyst for creativity. • It empowers us by giving us choice and freedom. • It teaches us how to be in the moment and listen to our internal messages which in turn will make us more spontaneous and responsive. • It creates space to allow in all the things we push out of our heads because of busyness and competing priorities that come into our thoughts. On a final note, white space is far from self-indulgent because it replenishes us so that we have enough to give to others. It is kind of like clearing clutter. Until you clear the clutter, it’s hard to see what you currently have, what you can give, and what you can eventually have!
46 STEP TWO: ADAPTING TO CHANGE The ability to understand that change is innate and to welcome it, trust it and enjoy the journey. Just about everyone wants to change something somewhere in their personal or business life. It could be as small as the style of your hair or as big as a career. We often hear ourselves and others saying, “I want…” or “I wish I could….” or “Someday I will…”. Regardless of what the end of the statement is, very few of those wants, wishes, and somedays come to fruition because to get there often requires change. Many of us tend to fear change – even when we are in almost unbearable situations. Many times, we have to let things get to the unbearable stage before we finally do make a change or we are forced to change. But why? One reason is that change represents risk. And at the core of risk there is fear for many of us because: • We don’t know what the new change will be like. • We don’t trust ourselves or our skills to cope with new circumstances. • We are uncomfortable in the transition. • We feel we may lose something. • It can be confusing and feel chaotic. • Things may be worse than what exists already. With all these possibilities it’s no wonder we don’t want anything to change. With that in mind, what can we do to overcome our aversion towards change? We can begin by examining our beliefs about it. Many of us have received multiple messages from many sources throughout our lives about change and have built our relationship with it based on these messages. These messages were given to us by the behavior and words of those around us as we were forming who we are today. Most of these messages we weren’t even aware we were receiving and adopting as our beliefs. Let’s take a few minutes to examine some of them.
47 A DA P T I N G T O C H A N G E CHANGE AND RISK BELIEFS 1. WHAT WERE THE MESSAGES YOU RECEIVED ABOUT RISK IN GENERAL: Mother or maternal influence’s message: Father or paternal influence’s message: Cultural message: Your current belief:
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