92 P E R S ON A L G R OU N DWO R K F O R C OAC H I N G Good clear boundaries begin with the Inform/Request (IR) model and progress to the Inform/Request/Insist (IRI) model if not met. We have outlined the IRI model along with some examples: THE IRI BOUNDARY MODEL If the person does not respond when voicing your concerns or does not modify their behavior in any way, it is time to move to the IRI model. This is where we INFORM them once again but in a stronger way, make a stronger REQUEST to modify the behavior, and INSIST that the request be met, or it will involve a consequence. First inform, in a clear and UNCHARGED way, that what the person has just done or said did not work for you and the reasons why. Be certain to use “I” statements such as “I feel incompetent when you say things like that” versus using “you” statements such as “you make me feel incompetent”. Make a request of the person to change their behavior in a way that would work better to accomplish what you both want to see happen and educate him/her on how to best communicate and get what s/he wants from you. INFORM REQUEST + Here you would remind the person that you have already asked them before about changing things and they have not honored your request. Let them know you are putting them on notice and you insist that your request be honored or there will be a consequence in your actions. INFORM I shrink and pull back when you raise your voice. REQUEST I know you want to make sure that I am hearing you, but I am going to ask that you no longer raise your voice with me. INSIST A few weeks ago, I asked you to no longer raise your voice with me and it seems to be continuing. It is not okay with me that you raise your voice with me any longer and I am going to insist that you not do it again or I will leave the room. INSIST EXAMPLE OF IRI + =
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