Coaching Kids: How the Right Language Shapes Confidence and Growth

The words we use when coaching children have a profound impact on their self-esteem, motivation, and overall development. Studies show that language can reinforce either a growth mindset or a fixed mindset (Dweck, 2006), shaping a child’s approach to learning, problem-solving, and handling failure.

At The International Coaching Group, we train aspiring coaches to use language intentionally, whether coaching adults or children, because words create mental pathways that affect beliefs, actions, and long-term potential.

This article explores how the right language can empower children to develop confidence, resilience, and a success-driven mindset.

The Science Behind Language & Child Development

Children’s brains are highly plastic, meaning their thought patterns are shaped by external stimuli, including the words they hear from parents, teachers, and coaches.

  • A Harvard University study (2019) found that positive reinforcement and process-oriented praise activate the brain’s dopaminergic system, encouraging persistence and effort.
  • In contrast, negative language triggers stress responses, leading to avoidance behavior (National Institute of Mental Health, 2020).

The research is clear: the language we use as coaches directly impacts a child’s cognitive and emotional development.

Fixed vs. Growth Mindset: The Language of Success

Dr. Carol Dweck’s research at Stanford University introduced the concept of a growth mindset, the belief that abilities can be developed through effort. Children who receive effort-based praise are more likely to persist through challenges compared to those praised for innate talent.

Examples of Fixed vs. Growth Mindset Language

Fixed Mindset Language vs. Growth Mindset Language
"You're so smart!" "I love how you worked through that problem!"
"You're a natural athlete!" "Your hard work in practice is paying off!"
"That was wrong." "What can we learn from this mistake?"
"You’ll never be good at this." "You haven’t mastered it… yet!"

A 2022 study in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology found that children given process-oriented praise were 38% more likely to take on new challenges compared to those who received ability-based praise.

Coaching Strategies: Using Language to Build Confidence

1. The "Yet" Technique

Adding "yet" to a child's statement instantly reframes their mindset.

❌ “I can’t do this.”
✅ “I can’t do this… yet.”

Psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck describes "yet" as a powerful cognitive reframe, helping children see failure as part of learning.

2. Open-Ended Questions for Self-Reflection

Instead of giving direct instructions, coaches can ask thought-provoking questions:

  • "What strategy worked best for you?"
  • "How did you feel when you accomplished that?"
  • "What would you do differently next time?"

3. Constructive Feedback Instead of Criticism

❌ "That was a terrible shot."
✅ "I noticed your form was off, what adjustment could you make?"

The American Psychological Association (APA) found that positive feedback improves performance by 32%, while harsh criticism leads to increased anxiety and decreased motivation.

Common Pitfalls: Words That Can Harm a Child’s Growth

Even well-meaning coaches and parents can unintentionally undermine confidence through language.

1. Over-Praising Without Substance

💡 The Pitfall: Telling a child “You’re amazing at everything!” can create fear of failure because they feel pressure to always be perfect.

✅ The Fix: Praise effort, strategy, and persistence, rather than blanket statements.

2. Using Absolute Statements

❌ "You always mess up under pressure."
✅ "Pressure situations are tough—let’s figure out a strategy together."

3. Comparing Kids to Others

❌ "Look at how well Sarah did—why can’t you do that?"
✅ "Everyone learns at their own pace. What’s one thing you can focus on improving today?"

Coaching Kids for Emotional Intelligence & Self-Belief

Building emotional intelligence (EQ) in children helps them develop self-regulation, empathy, and resilience.

Key Coaching Language Techniques for EQ Development

  • ✅ Normalize emotions – "It’s okay to feel frustrated. What can we do about it?"
  • ✅ Encourage self-talk – "What would you say to a friend going through this?"
  • ✅ Reframe setbacks – "Mistakes mean you’re learning something new!"

💡 A study by Yale University (2021) found that kids with strong emotional intelligence skills were 45% more likely to excel academically and socially.

Ready to Take Your Coaching to the Next Level?

Learn how to train as a certified coach and master the art of impactful coaching with our Fast Track to ICF Certification Program.

Your words matter. Start using them to shape a brighter future today!

Join Us!

Space is limited – reserve your seat today!
1 CCE for attending