Grief is a tricky emotion that manifests in very individualized ways. Navigating its complexities as both the person going through the journey, and the person lending support, requires deep empathy as well as an understanding of the difference between grief coaching and grief counseling. Grieving individuals seek guidance to help them process their emotions, find a path forward, and learn the tools to help rediscover their sense of self. A balance of both coaching and therapy can help this process.
Inspired by a poignant podcast episode featuring certified Diversity and Grief coach Bea Trost, a graduate of the International Coaching Group, who shares her insightful perspective on grief as a learning curve, let’s explore the distinctions and synergies between coaching and therapy in the context of grief support.
“Grief is a learning curve,” Says Trost, who suffered the tragic loss of her children and partner in 2015. “I was lucky enough to live in China at that time, so to be living in a culture that would have a very different approach to grief and to loss… I was greatly supported by friends I had there, and my Chinese colleagues. At some point, I had to move on and create a new life.”
While making sense of her new world, Trost realized she wasn’t alone. She now operates from that place of empathy in her “Cookies and Tea Sessions”, as her coaches fondly dubbed them.
From Inquiry to Resilience: Discovering a New Purpose Through Coaching
Coaching individuals through their grief involves focusing on the present and future, guiding individuals toward finding new meaning and purpose after loss through powerful yet simple questions that prompt deep self-inquiry. It's about uncovering what individuals genuinely desire from life by blending practical steps with imaginative exploration. It's a process grounded in partnership, growth, and transformation, embodying a journey of learning and adaptation in the face of grief.
Therapy: Healing Deep Emotional Wounds
Therapy, on the other hand, often addresses the pathological aspects of grief. It creates a safe space for individuals to explore their feelings, behaviours, and thoughts in depth to heal through the uncovering of and exploration of complex emotions to facilitate some sort of emotional resolution. Grief therapy can also delve into mental health issues that arise from grief.
“There's a distinction between somebody who's depressed and somebody who’s grieving. And now, therapists are able to actually make that distinction openly and with a proper diagnosis,” says Trost.
Distinguishing Between The Two
The distinction between coaching and therapy becomes particularly evident in their approaches to grief support that we explored above. With her unique background and personal journey through loss, Trost highlights the importance of recognizing the types of grief individuals may experience before coaching can even begin.
“Maybe we think of this adaptation as a possibility,” says Trost. “Grief is most commonly known as a reaction to the death of a loved one. But it doesn’t need to be solely caused by these events.” It could be absent grief (the absence of something like a job or loved one), and it could also be anticipatory grief (when you know something will end, or an illness diagnosis, or simply the knowledge that we’re growing older). Knowing where the individual is coming from helps coaches like Trost navigate the varied landscapes of loss and offer customized support that emphasizes growth, learning, and discovering a new life purpose for the individual.
Grief can be complicated, however, and sometimes indications arise that an individual might benefit in addition, or even more, from therapeutic intervention. Respecting this boundary between coaching and therapy helps all support systems provide the appropriate tools and direction for the grieving individual.
Embracing Diversity and Transformation
The beauty of grief support, whether through coaching or therapy, lies in its ability to embrace the diversity of human experience. Trost's practice, which spans cultures and languages, reveals the universal nature of grief and the shared journey of finding renewal after loss. It underscores the transformative power of understanding and navigating grief, not as a pathological condition, but rather as a profound learning curve.
“You’re there to support, but you’re really there to hold their space,” explains Trost. “That can be very exhausting, but it’s so rewarding. If after two or three sessions the crying stops or the people come in and say, ‘I finally figured it out. I feel a sense of purpose,’ and then you get to work on the new purpose, that is just incredibly rewarding! This, for me, is the essence of coaching.”
Coaching and Therapy in Harmony For the Best Foot Forward
The varied benefits of both coaching and therapy in the grief journey, when combined, offer a comprehensive approach to supporting individuals through one of life's most challenging experiences.
As we continue exploring and understanding grief's complexities, the synergy between coaching and therapy becomes increasingly essential: Therapy provides a deep dive into grief's emotional and psychological facets for an individual to be able to emotionally benefit from coaching on how to rediscover joy, meaning, and purpose. Through this collaborative lens, individuals can find the most holistic and practical support, allowing them to grieve, grow, and ultimately thrive in the aftermath of loss.
