Our topics where:
- Skill: REQUESTIING
- Guiding Principle: BE FOCUSED
A prerequisite for any coach using the skill of Requesting and Being Focused is their ability to fully listen and ask powerful questions.
In the absence of the eloquent use of Listening or Questioning, the skill Requesting and the mindset of Being Focused can to the client feel like a command or a directive to be followed and not just be considered.
Spend this time now to better understand this advance communication technique, so in time the power of Requesting can empower and enhance your client’s experience.
A Deeper Dive into skill: REQUESTING
Advanced Skill: Requesting
We covered the core coaching skill of Requesting in the 555 Coaching Skills Series to make you aware of a tool coaches use to help clients gain additional perspectives.
IMPORTANT: In order to do this skill really well, it takes a refined ability to Listen, to ask power Questions, an effective use of silence and experience with the pace of a powerful coaching exchange.
It is our expectation, you will use this skill sparingly in your coaching until Listening and Questioning become refined, operate well together and you are ready take this advance skill on.
Requesting
- Used when the coachee is ready to be stretched into thinking bigger, acting bolder or liberating themselves from something.
- Is an advance skill.
- Is not used in every coaching exchange.
- Is a strong message that the coach sees more in the coachee than they might see in themselves.
- Shows the coach believes the coachee to be capable of more than they may feel capable of themselves.
- Challenges a coachee’s perception of themselves and what is possible.
A Request is not a demand or expectation.
The coachee ALWAYS has three options in response to a Request.
- Accept it
- Reject it
- Negotiate it
A request is NOT what the coach wishes or wants for the coachee. It is about bringing focused awareness to something the coachee could use to step towards their own goals and desires.
EXAMPLE EXCHANGE:
Coach: “May I make a request of you? As always you have the choice to accept my request, modify if, or ignore it.”
Coachee: “Ok go ahead”
Coach: “My request is that you stop looking at this as a chronic condition and begin to look at it as an opportunity to learn”
Coach: silence
Coachee: responds
The coaching then shifts to supporting the response of the coachee (vs. repeating or mandating the request)
It is a way to inject a different perspective, causing a pause in the current thinking pattern of the coachee with the intention to move the client forward towards their goal.
How a Request Might Sound
Showing a true example of Requesting is difficult because it happens in the moment and is built upon the context of the entire conversation.
- When done incorrectly it can leave the client feeling they have just been told what to do, judged for how they are thinking and dis-empowered.
- Done right, the client feels the whoa, like they have just been freed from the constraints of their previous thinking and perspective.
In these examples, we have tried to give you as much context, so you also can be in the moment with the coach.
We have also added insight and ideas from other coaches about how they approach deploying this advanced skill.
Class Instruction (for review)
Full Conversation (8 min)
Explanation
But-Wipes
Its a Nudge
Give Options
Key Learning Points
- Requesting asks the coachee to think bigger, act bolder or liberate themselves from something.
- Use a request when the coachee is stuck, holding back or selling themselves short.
- Requests send a powerful message that the coach sees something bigger for them.
- Make the request and allow the coachee to accept, reject or negotiate the request.
- Anchor the commitment to the request by asking for a deadline or timeline and specific action(s).
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