Category: Blog

It Takes Two to Tango

Lessons In Coaching From 3 Common Mistakes Made When Dancing Tango

The intention of this post is to invite you to consider the synchronous nature of your coaching through the use of a dance metaphor.

The Tango is a dance influenced by African, South American, and European cultures and is characterized as being based on a syncopated rhythm that allows for much improvisation and full expression. To watch a couple, dance the Tango in a synchronous way can be an immersive experience; watching the dancers float across the floor effortlessly, perfectly synchronized, connected, and fully expressing. They share equal power in the movements even though one partner is leading. It can be so moving when the dancers are in sync. When the dancers are out of sync or “off” in their partnering of the dance, the experience for the observer can be choppy, disconnecting, and in some way uninspiring.

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Coaches: Develop a Lens of Diversity

“I feel as though I have been tokenized…”

“There are so many times when I am the only one like me at a meeting…”

“It is exhausting … not being able to bring my whole self to work…”

(actual client statements)

As we enter into 2022, we are amid a social revolution caused by politics, protests, and a pandemic.  The great resignation is driving career contemplation more than ever with more than 4.5 million quits in November 2021 alone, the highest recorded for one month since the US government began tracking the statistic back in 2000.

For these reasons, coaches are needed.  What we say and do, continues to shape who we are and reminds us of the impact we have on others. Coaches, and managers as coaches, need to heighten their awareness of the changing needs of their clients and embrace the growing complexity of the world around us.

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The First Coaching Tip of 2022

Welcome to 2022.

If lockdown, vaccinations, social distancing, and COVID-19 were no longer terms you use in 2022; What would you be talking about?  What would you be thinking about?

2022 and your coach are inviting you to start exploring these two questions. 

At first, resist looking for definitive answers, rather, see the trends or directions of your answers.  Observe the themes of your thoughts and feelings. Is there a repetitive pattern? Are you starting to hear your dreams, hopes, and desires creep back in? Are you being drawn towards more responsibility, new or deeper relationships, balance, or love?

The secret to 2022, a six-year, is to Accept what is and build on it

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Happy “All-The-Days”?

With the holiday season upon us, it is time to give pause and reflect, what’s in a name? Answer: Everything.  

Last week, I watched a commercial for a very large box retailer gladly tout, “Happy All-The-Days!” (pronounce it like Mary Poppins’ friend Bert might, with a terrible Cockney accent).  Today in the grocery store, someone said, “Happy Day of Thanks”. Did they mean Thanksgiving?

My niece is a teacher in a local elementary school where they have removed specific holidays entirely from being discussed and celebrated. They removed Halloween and Thanksgiving in favor of “Fall Festivities”. They also removed Christmas (December 25), Chanukah (begins November 28), Diwali (November 4), and Kwanzaa (begins December 26) in favor of “Winter Holidays”.

Has there been a rash of recent holiday name changes that I am unaware of? 

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Case for Coaching in a World Interrupted by COVID

In a world interrupted by Covid, leaders are faced with even greater and far more pervasive challenges than the “pre-covid” era presented. Now more than ever, leaders need an approach that will help them, their teams, and ultimately their organizations thrive during these turbulent times rather than simply survive them.

Prior to Covid, leaders were already confronted with:

Rapidly evolving and constantly changing technology
A larger global “playing field” resulting in greater competition
24/7 connectivity and heightened expectations related to performance and response times
Multiple “generations” from diverse backgrounds all working together
Shockingly high levels of disengaged employees (the most recent “State of the Global Workplace” report published by Gallup reflects that globally, 80% of employees are actively disengaged at work. Per Gallup this lack of engagement costs the global economy US$8.1 trillion)

These challenges require leaders to interact with their teams in a way that fosters employee engagement, tolerance, agility, innovation, and increased resilience.

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Coaching the Coach About Diversity

In today’s global environment, where technology is making the world smaller and diversity remains one of the most important topics, coaches can no longer remain ignorant of the impact these two tsunamis have on their coach approach and on their clients.  As coaches, we need to lift up our heads, so we can lift up others. 

The current climate is looking for innovative ways of approaching diversity and cultural differences within coaching. Diversity in coaching is about understanding the mindset of your client within their larger context – be it culture, religious belief, gender, race, or economic realities.  As described by the International Coaching Federation, “this includes a paramount emphasis on … the critical distinctions between various levels of coaching agreements, the criticality of a partnership between coach and client, and the importance of cultural, systemic and contextual awareness.”

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Coaching Through the Lens of Diversity

Recently, I was talking with a new coaching client.  It was a usual intake meeting where we were getting to know each other and exploring ways in which coaching may enhance their life. We were about 40 minutes into the conversation when I realized the new client had not used any traditional pronouns while speaking about themselves or others.

A moment of decision; a time when a coach needs to determine the next step or the next question.  What do you do in that moment? Wait for the next session and determine the right approach? Or, remain curious and courageous and ask a difficult and direct question in that moment?

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Embracing Diversity in YOUR Coaching

With 2020 behind us, social protests and politics remain with us as we continue to struggle living through a pandemic. What we say and do, continues to define us and our legacy as coaches and continues to shape the impact we have on others. Therein lies both the challenge and the opportunity.

Coaches must re-address their coach approach through the lens of diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging (DEIB) in every coaching exchange - adapting and evolving their mindset and presence to their client’s needs. Coaches need to embody the ICF competencies with a laser focus on building DEIB awareness, knowledge, and discipline to be an effective and empathetic coach.

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Diversity in Coaching

I played the oboe for years.  Beginning in primary school and through college, I practiced and practiced, joining the band, the wind ensemble, a church group and even formed a professional trio with a flute and clarinet.  Now you may wonder why I open a piece on Coaching with my musical skills?  Simple.  When I was seeking out a music coach, I searched for someone who understood me – and who understood the oboe – and the distinctive value of the double-reed instrument.  Not someone who played drums, not a tuba teacher, but a skilled musician that believed in the beauty and joy of the unusual oboe and related to the unique needs and challenges of the oboist.

It is the same with any coaching, whether it be leadership coaching, career coaching, or life coaching.  A client brings their unique perspectives – their differences – to every coaching session.  Hence, a coach must see their client, hear their client, and truly understand their client, all while respecting their own perspectives and honoring the coaching process.  This is embracing diversity in coaching.

Why is diversity important in coaching?  To be an effective and present coach, we must seek to understand the client within their context.  A client’s context that may include their identity, environment, experiences, values, culture, and beliefs. 

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Moving Down the Ladder: Using Powerful Questions to Help Clients Improve Decisions

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The amount and speed with which we receive information has almost become overwhelming. 

Add that with the increased pressure to take action more quickly, and the continued stretch of leading (and living) through a pandemic, leaders find themselves with less and less time to think through a problem. 

Without this space, I am seeing an increased number of the those I work with are making more reactionary, sometimes short sighted decisions.

The Ladder of Inference is a powerful tool to help leaders identify their thinking process in order to challenge the premise of decisions, thereby increasing the probability of a solid decision.  The Ladder of Inference was created by organizational psychologist Chris Argyris in the mid-1970s and became well known when it appeared in Peter Senge’s The Fifth Discipline: The Art and Practice of the Learning Organization.

The Ladder identifies 7 steps, or rungs we climb to make decisions.

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